So drunk its hurt
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
