is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
