I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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