hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize