Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
