Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
