Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Randomize
