i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
