Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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