just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
