We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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