party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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