Cold hands, warm shart.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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