I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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