I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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