Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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