so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
