am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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