I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
