According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
