my soul wont recognize me after tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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