Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
