I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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