i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
