duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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