When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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