so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
