and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
