There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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