the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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