New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
