am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
