You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
