Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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