Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
