Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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