Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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