so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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