i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina