so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?