ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.