it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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