dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
