I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
