there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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