I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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