I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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