Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
