I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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