Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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