and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
