did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
