I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
