I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
