She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
