so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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