Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish I only lived at night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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