oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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